4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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