Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
