Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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