It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
