i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
People with herpes should wear stickers.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So much rum. So many feels.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
