i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
