I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
