i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
