:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
