k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
