I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
