that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
