It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
