I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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