but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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