Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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