yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We had sex on a dog bed..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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