"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
