I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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