i think my tv is drunk
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
