i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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