Non-Jews are for practice
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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