Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
