Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
