Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
