i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
