I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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