My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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