I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
