new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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