dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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