He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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