Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hippo gnu deer
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
