yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
