Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
