All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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