Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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