Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
