I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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