So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
