matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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