I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
