i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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