You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
