They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
