so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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