i just had sex bonerless
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there was a trapeze. enough said
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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