EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
