he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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