Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
