The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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